Friday, March 10, 2006

So sleeeepy...soooo full of self-pity

am sick and tired of the week flying by at warp-speed, feeling completely depleted of energy and motivation...i blink and it is friday...i blink and i am in my mid 30s and getting closer to the downhill slide...i swear i feel like a haggard, soccer mom (damn, those lee riders can be binding)! amongst the day job of navigating teenage angst (which i really do enjoy), my evening/weekend gig, which entails keeping our heads above water as we launch our business (which essentially consists of housefrau...secretary...salesperson...production lineperson...personal assistant),and playing weekend step-parent, i feel insanely overwhelmed and O-L-D...can't even enjoy the occassional cocktail as it now knocks me flat on my ass!...lately i have become insanely forgetful and incredibly clutsy(have just sprained my ankle for the second time in 6 weeks...covered with bruises from walking into things left and right...literally...)... mikey keeps telling me this will all pay-off in the end and i know/hope it will, but there are so many days lately where i just miss being incredibly selfish and self-absorbed (i guess the self-absorbed piece could be addressed through the greatest of all exercises in narcissism...having a blog...but that is not enough, damnit!)...i so took for granted those days of doing whatever the hell i wanted, whenever i wanted...immature, i know, but at least i felt like i had some control over my destiny(and yes, i know i still do, but this is my blog and i want to bitch)and i didn't feel so damn old...i am not ready to be middle-aged or to feel like it...calgon...take me away...or at least someone hook-up an IV of g&ts to me, lay me on a bed and just play a continuous music loop of '80s alternative!


Blogger happy little atom said...

oh, darling, self-pity was last month for me... then I took a stand and took a break from a relationship that wasn't serving me and made a deal with myself that I didn't have to be the best copywriter and yoga teacher at the same time or sew my stuffed animal ideas and record an album... I decided that I would pick something, one thing, to focus on. For me, it's been the yoga training and teaching kids. Next month it will have to be copywriting, but for now I give myself one. I say have Mikey find an intern and give yourself the weekend off, of at least Saturday. Go shopping, eat sushi, do the things you did before you felt O-L-D. Sometimes I worry because I'm 35 and don't have a "real career" at the moment and just feel like dating boys no committment and traveling around the world... but I made a deal to buckle down and then I get a weekend off. It sounds like you could use yours NOW! Tell Mikey Happy Little Atom decrees. Superbev, helper of angst teens, needs a breakie. (If you were here I would kidnap thee for facials and umbrellie drinks!) Please come soon!

10:54 PM  
Blogger mindlessgirl said...

you're the super best, HLA...i love umbrella drinks!!!

11:31 PM  
Blogger LeLo in NoPo said...

Oh pobrecita. I'm sorry it's all in the crapper right now. Age is a frame of mind. Seriously. Screw all of that I'm old BS. Please!!!!!!!! They say 50 is the new middle age. See? You're still a spring chicken. And who says, anyway, that it's bad to age? Don't buy into that commercialism crap! You know better than that. You are your own unique persona.

Until the crazy crazy subsides, hang in there. And Happy little Atom is right: treat yourself and take care...

2:09 AM  
Anonymous Superinkygirl said...

I am reminded of the Hobbits, who do not consider the young hobbits real adults until they are approximately 33, and even then, they are considered very, very young adults. Of course Hobbits live until at least their Eleventy-fifth birthdays and, uh, they are fictional. I appreciate the sentiment though.

6:37 PM  
Blogger mindlessgirl said...

oh, inky...leave it to you...

6:55 PM  
Anonymous fran said...

O.k. girlfriend...don't forget to factor in New England's long draggy, drab winter without sunshine or green (sure to put anyone in fetal position in a corner!). My hat is off to have a day job (not an easy one)you have tiny (and then there is TINY :) )and me tinks you are pretty kick-ass with Lucy. Am I right, Bevs? You guys are doing it. You are in it NOW and you have got to enjoy it even though you are POOPED! And the age thing...YOU ARE A SPRING CHICKEN! ENJOY! xo

p.s. errrr...and the sex does get better after 40. lol

5:20 PM  

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